Don't Trust Me

So here's the mundane question of the week: "Is the Internet making kids dumb?" Seems a marginally scientific study found that seventh graders, after being asked to research the 'tree octopus' and being directed to the Save The Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus site, believed that the tree octopus was real.

Then this group of students (25 of them to be exact) were told that the story of the endangered cephalopods was actually a decade's old hoax. Har har. What a way to kid a kid. However, even after being let in on the joke, about half the students continued to believe the species was real.

The researcher, Dr. Donald Leu, concluded that "anyone can publish anything on the Internet and today's students are not prepared to critically evaluate the information they find there." I must agree.

In fact, his statement reminds me of an incident a few months ago with a friend and her nine-year-old niece. The niece said that her teacher told her to never trust Wikipedia because anybody can edit it. Well, I think my response was something like "you should be skeptical of everything on the Internet."

But a better answer would have been more like "the world is a stream of unfiltered data, and you need to be skeptical of everything, even your teachers and your schoolbooks. But at least on Wikipedia you can click the 'discussion' tab and find out the who, what, and why behind edits. Also, every article has a thorough reference section that lists sources independent of Wikipedia. I'm shocked your teacher would blacklist such a useful resource."

Ironically, if any of the kids in the aforementioned study had looked up Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus on Wikipedia, they would have learned it was a hoax.

Wikipedia is one awesome and important piece of the Internet, and kids shouldn't be scared away from it. The trick we need to teach kids is to not passively read it, but to purposefully edit it. By taking part in a project that is both cooperative and complex, I think kids will become better thinkers.

And I believe this was actually the point of Dr. Leu's research: A new type of literacy is required for this generation of students. This isn't about the Internet making them dumb. It's about the presumption that kids are innate Internet experts when in reality they must be taught a whole new set of comprehension skills.

Don't trust my conclusion though. Check out Dr. Leu's PowerPoint presentation yourself.

The Signs They Are A-changin'

Due to a few millennia of the earth wobbling on its axis, the stars have shifted in the night sky making traditional horoscope signs nearly a month off! This must be fixed immediately -- at least a few of my dopey Facebook friends are following the wrong astrological sign!

Luckily, Minnesota Planetarium Society's Parke Kunkle has come to the rescue with a newly calibrated list of dates:

Capricorn: Jan. 20-Feb. 16.
Aquarius: Feb. 16-March 11.
Pisces: March 11-April 18.
Aries: April 18-May 13.
Taurus: May 13-June 21.
Gemini: June 21-July 20.
Cancer: July 20-Aug. 10.
Leo: Aug. 10-Sept. 16.
Virgo: Sept. 16-Oct. 30.
Libra: Oct. 30-Nov. 23.
Scorpio: Nov. 23-29.
Ophiuchus:* Nov. 29-Dec. 17.
Sagittarius: Dec. 17-Jan. 20.

Notice there are now 13 signs? The ancient Babylonians discarded Ophichus because I guess they were superstitious about the number 13, but we modern folk aren't superstitious at all! (Except when we follow primitive myths.)

My sister, a Virgo, proudly displayed her zodiacal characteristics on a wooden plaque on her bedroom wall: fastidious, good judgment, and organized it said. She has lived up to it.

My sign, Cancer, stuck me with anxious, timid, and clingy. Jesus, no wonder I rejected this shit from the beginning. But now apparently I'm a Gemini, and my self-esteem is already improving. I'm lively, entertaining and romantic, though kind of fickle.

Yes, astrology is silly. And just to prove how silly it is, astrologers are debunking astronomers, decrying their lack of research on the subject. Astrologers say they are quite aware of the precession of the equinoxes, but it is irrelevant because their work is actually based on movements of the planets in our own solar system. Ah okay, but still no logic on how these solar zones of influence rule my personality and life? I didn't think so...

If you're confused but still want to follow your daily horoscope for entertainment, my advice is pick whatever sign you like best, and go with it!

But whatever you do, don't get it tattooed on your butt.

Magic Versus Science

Score one for science. And also Australian authorities who made Power Balance, the California company behind the Power Balance bracelet, admit that there is "no credible scientific evidence" that supports their claims.

What kind of claims did the company make? That their silicone wristbands with Mylar holographic disks would "safely restore and optimize the electro-magnetic balance within the human body -- IMMEDIATELY."

And that their Mylar holographic disks contain "the same material used to keep static away from electronic components" and "has been embedded with an electrical frequency that restores your body's electrical balance, promoting free exchange of positive and negative ions that aligns your body's energy pathways."

In other words, they spoke a lot of sciency sounding mumbojumbo. My god. My body's energy pathways? I never saw that in any biology book. And why is my body's electrical balance off? Wouldn't I be short-circuiting all my electronics if I was carrying around some kind of charge? And how do you put an electrical frequency inside a silicone bracelet?

And why wouldn't any of the other trendy "wristbands for [insert cause here]" do the same job? Lucky for Power Balance most people wouldn't even know how to do a basic experiment to test that idea.

And lucky for Power Balance they had some celebrities like Shaquille O'Neal shilling for them. Of course even after these magic amulets have been debunked, people will still believe.

A friend of my sister's wears one of these things faithfully. On Thanksgiving she tried to demonstrate it to my mother. The friend removed her bracelet, lifted her arm and showed that her shoulder was stiff and could barely move backwards. "Without the bracelet, I can barely move my shoulder back." Then she put the bracelet back on. "But see! With the bracelet, I can move my arm like this!" And with a graceful and dramatic sweep, yes, she did move her arm, but only by rotating her entire torso a good 20 degrees! My mom is no science scholar, but she's not a sucker either. Also, nothing in the world would make my mom part with $29.99 for a piece of rubber jewelry.

But Power Balance seems almost defiant on their Twitter page. It's as if there is no shame in quackery. So they will probably adjust their claims, and go on with business as usual serving more and more eager customers.

The placebo effect is one hell of a fascinating aspect of human healing.

We Interrupt this Program...

On October 30, 1938, the Martians invaded New Jersey.

Since I thought hoax week 2009 was so much fun, I decided to experience the greatest hoax of them all: Orson Welles' radio broadcast of The War of The Worlds. I put the mp3 on my iPod and listened to it alone in the dark...

It starts off as a dance music broadcast -- or at least what they called dance music back then. But the party is interrupted by an Intercontinental Radio News report of enormous blue flames shooting out of Mars. Then, minutes later, another report that a meteor has fallen to Earth! Then, a minute later, reporters are ready at the scene for continuous coverage of the meteor. But then the meteor starts to open! It's really a spaceship, and it has tentacles!

"Good heavens -- something's wriggling out of the shadow," the fake newscaster reported. "It glistens like wet leather. But that face -- it… it is indescribable."

The whole thing is so not scary. The timeline alone is unbelievable. I guess it's just one of those things where you had to be there in the 30's, listening to the miracle of modern radio and trusting -- trusting that this was an urgent news bulletin and taking it all as fact. These people weren't stupid, but the world outside our own atmosphere had not been demystified yet. So thousands of listeners panicked:

Believing that the nation had been invaded by Martians, many listeners panicked. Some people loaded blankets and supplies in their cars and prepared to flee. One mother in New England reportedly packed her babies and lots of bread into a car, figuring that "if everything is burning, you can't eat money, but you can eat bread." Other people hid in cellars, hoping that the poisonous gas would blow over them. One college senior drove forty-five miles at breakneck speed in a valiant attempt to save his girlfriend.

But still, there is the annoying detail that during the broadcast there were three announcements stating that this was a dramatization of The War of the Worlds by H.G. Wells. The newspaper that day had also listed the program as an adaptation of the book.

Could it be that the reports of mass panic are also a hoax?

But historians also claim that newspaper accounts over the following week greatly exaggerated the hysteria. There are estimates that about 20 percent of those listening believed it was real. That translates to less than a million people.

At the time, newspapers considered radio an upstart rival. Some in the print press, resentful of the superior radio coverage during the Munich crisis, may have sought to prove a point about the irresponsibility of the radio broadcast.

Somehow I'll sleep a little better knowing common sense prevailed during that historic misunderstanding. However, I'm still greatly disturbed over the dangerous crap that educated people are willing to believe today.

I Will Survive

Perhaps you thought I was crazy when I said it should be up to Miss Universe to greet the space aliens when they arrive, but recent research into ecology theorizes that Freaks Survive Because They Are Strange:

If a blue jay sees a normal-looking salamander, it will eat it. But if the same bird sees a freak, it may let it go.

University of Tennessee researcher Benjamin Fitzpatrick says this discovery, which his team reports in the open access journal BMC Ecology, suggests why rare traits persist in a population.

Predators detect common forms of prey more easily, the scientists figure. The majority that share a common look are always on the dinner menu, while oddballs are left to reproduce.

So let the aliens first identify the dim-witted, silicone-implanted bigot as this planet's prey, and maybe they'll leave the rest of us alone?

No, I haven't gone insane, but I thought this aspect of evolution was refreshing. Finally a theory that doesn't postulate that freaks die a sad and lonely death!

Evolution and Politics

"I think you believe in evolution, but you're afraid to say so because your conservative constituency might find that offensive." — Chris Matthews on MSNBC 5/05/2009

How long can the GOP last when they pander to the least educated voters? How long can Rep. Mike Pence last when he speaks pure gibberish?

Yes, President Obama ended the ban on federal funding of stem cell research last month. Why is it that whatever pisses off the GOP seems to thrill me? Believe me, I'm thrilled... and oh... what is this? It's a strange feeling... I think it's called hope. Here are some areas of research that I hope one day will help me and many people I know with disabilities:

American researchers have created a "switch" that allows mutations or light signals to be turned on in muscles stem cells to monitor muscle regeneration in a living mammal. This research could lead to a drug that allows people to grow new muscle cells to replace those that are damaged by cancer or muscular dystrophy.

Researchers in London have discovered a novel matrix of neural stem cells and a biodegradable polymer can quickly repair brain damage from stroke in rats.

The National Institute of Health says wisdom teeth are prolific sources of the kind of adult stem cells needed to grow new teeth for you.

Well, if scientists can't grow me a whole new body, they could at least get me some new teeth!

Senator Arlen Specter is just as enthused as I am. In a recent interview with CBS News he suggested that if Republicans had been more aggressive about cancer research, GOP luminary Jack Kemp would be alive today.

Specter: And one of the items that I'm working on, Bob, is funding for medical research. I've been the spear carrier to increase medical research. And I've even established a Web site, Specterforthecure.com, to try to get people to put more pressure on Congress to join me in getting more funding. This medical research has been a reawakening--the ten billion dollars. We were about to lose a whole generation of scientists. And now they're enthused. There are fifteen thousand applications to be granted. If we had pursued what President Nixon declared in 1970 as the war on cancer, we would have cured many strains. I think Jack Kemp would be alive today. And that research has saved or prolonged many lives, including mine.

Here's hoping we can fund and encourage more medical research. My mother just restarted treatment for lymphoma today, and I need all the hope I can get.

Pterosaur Hunting

Happy birthday Charles Darwin! Look how far we've come!

The goal of Project Pterosaur is to mount an expedition to locate and bring back to the United States living specimens of pterosaurs or their fertile eggs, which will be displayed in a Pterosaur Rookery that will be the center piece of the planned Fellowship Creation Science Museum and Research Institute (FCSMRI). Furthermore, the rookery facility will establish a breeding colony of pterosaurs in order to produce specimens that could then be put on display by other regional institutions or church groups.

he goal of Project Pterosaur is to mount an expedition to locate and bring back to the United States living specimens of pterosaurs or their fertile eggs, which will be displayed in a Pterosaur Rookery that will be the center piece of the planned Fellowship Creation Science Museum and Research Institute (FCSMRI). Furthermore, the rookery facility will establish a breeding colony of pterosaurs in order to produce specimens that could then be put on display by other regional institutions or church groups.

By doing all this, we hope to accomplish three goals:

1. Support Creation Theory by showing the incorrectness of the philosophy of Evolutionism.
2. Educate the population about Creation Science.
3. Create excitement about Creation and the Bible in the public.

I (Dr. Paley) am the founder and Chief Officer of the project. I will also be leading the expedition and acting as Science Liaison to the public. Funding is being provided by Fellowship University, the Fairlight Institute, and donations from wealthy Christian businessmen who wish to remain anonymous at this time.

Yeah it's all an elaborate hoax, but one of the best I've ever seen. I looked all over Wikipedia trying to find the project, research institute or Dr. Paley. I found nothing. Then I checked Snopes and found nothing. Finally I found a discussion forum with some information.

I know the hoax should seem so obvious. Follow some of the deeper links on their site and you come up with their Mall Mission and Spiritual Safety Tips for Kids -- "what should you do if you find an atheist?" The whole thing is hilarious.


Maybe the dead giveaway should have been that creationists never try to prove anything. Also absurd is the whole purported notion that finding a pterosaur would destroy evolutionary theory. Oh, finding one would indeed be interesting, but it wouldn't be the first time an odd creature was rediscovered.

I've heard so much genuine creationism BS over the past few years, I can't separate the spoofs. I find The Creationism Museum to be crazy, but it is also real. The recent case in California that decided creationism science classes cannot count towards college credit was a triumph in science and sense!

Funny how our former president who lacked any science sense was quick to sign into law the bill that established our national DNA databank. He could embrace science when it fit his agenda. Anyway, bet you didn't know we had a national DNA databank! Every newborn will be "screened" and the DNA can be used for research without any consent.

I'm having flashbacks of all the Hollywood movies that tried to warn us: Gattaca, The Island, Anna to the Infinite Power...

I better go to bed before I scare myself to death, but I also want to mention it was Abraham Lincoln's birthday today too. It's amazing that two men who changed the world share the same birth day and year. I'm not so lucky. I share my birthday with OJ Simpson.

Big Bang Day

"Particle physics is the unbelievable in pursuit of the unimaginable. To pinpoint the smallest fragments of the universe you have to build the biggest machine in the world. To recreate the first millionths of a second of creation you have to focus energy on an awesome scale." -- The Guardian

"Is that a hadron in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?" -- unknown geek

Wednesday, September 10 is a "big bang day" of sorts. The Large Hadron Collider buried under the Swiss Alps is scheduled to be turned on.

This experiment is one of the most ambitious, expensive, significant and complex in history. So I won't pretend that I understand it all. However, I do understand that this research can unlock some of the biggest mysteries in the universe:

The mountains of data produced will shed light on some of the toughest questions in physics. The origin of mass, the workings of gravity, the existence of extra dimensions and the nature of the 95 per cent of the Universe that cannot be seen will all be examined. Perhaps the biggest prize of all is the “God particle” – the Higgs boson. This was first proposed in 1964 by Peter Higgs, of Edinburgh University, as an explanation for why matter has mass, and can thus coalesce to form stars, planets and people. Previous atom-smashers, however, have failed to find it, but because the LHC is so much more powerful, scientists are confident that it will succeed.

Even a failure, however, would be exciting, because that would pose new questions about the laws of nature.

Of course, like all progress, this experiment comes with controversy. A few scientists, most notably Dr. Otto E. Rössler, have expressed serious concerns about the mini black holes that might be created. The LHC Safety Assessment Group says the fears are completely unfounded because nature’s own cosmic rays regularly produce more powerful particle collisions than those planned within the collider. All this drama comes with the inevitable lawsuits.

But hey, all this sounds exciting, so why doesn't the U.S. have its own super collider? Well we almost had a Superconducting Super Collider, but it was canceled by Congress in 1993. One reason given was that we no longer needed to prove the supremacy of American science... go figure?

Anyway, if you believe the end of the world is nigh, then have lots of sex, eat fatty foods, and don't do your homework. Otherwise, follow the experiment live on BBC's Radio 4.

Road Kill

I didn't have much time to blog today, but while I was sitting through a very boring family dinner, I found myself wondering why are there dozens of dead animals floating in space?

Before space programs started sending people up into orbit, scientists couldn't agree on what it would be like for a living organism to leave Earth's atmosphere. What would be the effects of weightlessness on a mammal? How would the body handle radiation from the sun? Instead of sending people up in such a risky situation, the United States and Russia sent monkeys, chimps, dogs and other animals into space in order to analyze such effects.

So these furry heroes of space exploration are now a sort of cosmic road kill. By the way, have you ever made up stories to go with the roadkill you pass on the road? I guess for some people it's a macabre hobby.