Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Snorting Spaghetti

I wanted to post something more thoughtful today, but some old neighbors stopped by for a visit, and we went out to dinner. I ordered chicken parmesan with spaghetti. Halfway through the meal I somehow snorted a piece of spaghetti half up my nose. Believe me, it's very uncomfortable having a piece of pasta stuck in the back of your nose and dangling half down your throat. I made it through dinner without indicating that anything was wrong, but when I got home I had an hour long fit of blowing and snorting trying to get the thing out. I was about to give up, but then I had an uncontrollable gagging reflex that brought the 2 inch piece of pasta out of mouth. It was all covered in mucus, and no, I didn't not take a picture! I am relieved though that I am not alone.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Desperate Comics

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?

And ever wonder what Family Circus would be like if it was created by Friedrich Nietzsch?

Monday, February 25, 2008

Creationism BS

Let's take a walk through The Creationism Museum. It's also fun to explore with a faux special person. I admit I was slightly offended that these guys would fake a disability while visiting the museum, but their interactions with Ken Ham were priceless:
The interview was going well. Ham was spouting nonsensical creationist rhetoric, and I was in full-blown retard mode. We were like long lost twins. He continued averting his gaze, however. My assumed detriments reminded him of man’s fall from grace. It was time to test this man of God.
Ever wonder how those Creationists get their s0-called scientific research published? Peer review is an important step in the publication of scientific research, but a new journal published by Answers in Genesis has adapted (evolved?) this process to "ensure that research meets academic standards of scientific inquiry, but rather to ensure that the scholar's conclusions conform to a literal interpretation of the Bible." Ahhh.... the illusion of scientific theory! I think this journal will be mocked as often as the museum.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Code Orange

I'm going to take a break from my usual nonsense and post some important links about the presidential elections.

Has Hillary Clinton lost it? I'm not talking about the election. I mean, has she gone a little nuts? Here she is mocking Barack Obama with "the sky will open, the light will come down." In a NY Times op-ed column titled The Audacity of Hopelessness , Frank Rich writes:

This must be the first presidential candidate in history to devote so much energy to preaching against optimism, against inspiring language and — talk about bizarre — against democracy itself. No sooner does Mrs. Clinton lose a state than her campaign belittles its voters as unrepresentative of the country.

And then on FOX news, Bill Kristol recommends that Clinton embrace the politics of fear. Obviously, that technique has worked so well for Republicans in the last seven years. On Thursday nights "Countdown" Keith Olberman presented the Time line of fear confirming what I had always suspected: every code orange terror alert has corresponded to some other bit of news the Bush administration wanted to obfuscate.

Are we going to see more of these terror alerts right before the November elections? When terror strikes, liberals and the right vote further apart. And as we saw in the 2004 election, when terrorism is on voters' minds, the voters embrace candidates they perceived as stronger on national security.

Because neither Democratic candidate seems particularly tough on terror, I suggest the Democratic nominee carefully selects his or her running mate. I recommend Lyndie England. Nobody will ever say she is soft on terror.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Turn Jesus On

Was this designed by a catholic priest? Whatever. I'm giving these to my religious friends next Christmas.

Friday, February 22, 2008


I found the perfect link to celebrate the rebirth of The Daily Dorkmonger: the benefits of beer. Not only does beer cheer you up, but it also enlarges your breasts! I have to get me some of this stuff. Oh, and I also want to get a hamburger in can, but not for any medical benefit. I want it simply because it's a hamburger in a can!

I fell into the ocean.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Daily Dorkmonger strikes back! After five years of doing absolutely nothing of consequence, I figured I might as well start blogging again. Here I am. Don't get too excited.