Angry Birds

I'm always amazed at the public's penchant for drawing the most ludicrous conclusions when the completely plausible ones haven't been given a chance.

On New Year's day, residents of Beebe, Arkansas woke to find the corpses of 3,000 red-winged blackbirds littered across their streets, yards, and driveways. But wait! "It gets creepier" according to Time magazine. Last Thursday, approximately 100,000 dead drum fish washed ashore a river near Ozark -- which is about 100 miles west of Beebe.

Which conspiracy should we choose? God? Satan? UFO's? Obama? China? BP? Or is it the apocalypse? Well, my dad was already ranting tonight about how there is "something they're not telling us!"

Except the people who study this stuff for a living are telling us a lot. The most plausible answers regarding the dead birds involve lightning strikes, fireworks, or high-altitude hail.

The fish deaths are most likely disease related since it seems to have affected only one kind of fish. It's not likely to be a pollutant.

The Arkansas Game and Fish Commission said there is no indication of a linkage between the bird deaths and fish deaths. But this won't stop the media from a morbid "shark attack summer" kind of frenzy. It's good for ratings, and anyway, people like my father will never believe the two separate events are a mere coincidence.

In other news, Arkansas cats were thrilled over the all-you-can-eat buffet.

Second Class Prom

I usually don't believe conspiracy theories. But then there's this:

To avoid Constance McMillen bringing a female date to her prom, the teen was sent to a "fake prom" while the rest of her class partied at a secret location at an event organized by parents.

McMillen tells The Advocate that a parent-organized prom happened behind her back — she and her date were sent to a Friday night event at a country club in Fulton, Miss., that attracted only five other students. Her school principal and teachers served as chaperones, but clearly there wasn't much to keep an eye on.

Wow. A whole lot of hate and hard work went into planning two proms while keeping one a secret from a select group of outcasts. The conspirators are a sad, spiteful bunch of parents, teachers, and students. And I take back what I previously said about maybe the students are cooler than their bigot parents. They're not. Maybe one day they'll grow up and understand the hurt they have caused.

However, I think my intuition was accurate when I commented that the Mississippi school maliciously wanted to exclude everybody who made them feel uncomfortable:

Two students with learning difficulties were among the seven people at the country club event, McMillen recalls. "They had the time of their lives," McMillen says. "That's the one good thing that come out of this, [these kids] didn't have to worry about people making fun of them [at their prom]."

I wonder who the other second class students were? Atheists? Jews? Salsa dancers? Check out the pictures of the "real" prom. No minorities or disabled students present:


That's the clean-cut look of small-town bigotry... but wait? Two chicks kissing? Isn't that a "distraction to the educational process"? I guess it's all cool as long as they weren't... you know... on a date!

Itawamba County sounds like a real shithole. I hope Constance gets out of there quick.

Dino and Jesus

(image from Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog)

Finally, proof that evolution isn't real (with a lot of help from The Wired Conspiracy Generator):

Are you kidding me? Evolution was a total sham! Think about it! Everyone knows that the Flintstones owned a dinosaur. And have you noticed that the liberal blogosphere has started to act very strangely? They obviously don’t want this story getting out. I mean, what would happen if people began asking why do some guys still drag their knuckles? Well, they may be able to fool the sheeple, but the members of Sarah Palin's Facebook group aren't swallowing their story. Look, don’t take it from me; Pat Robertson is convinced as well. But we have to act fast, because those freedom hating scientists could be on PBS. I just wanted you to be aware of this, in case I disappear.

Taitz in Wonderland

This crazy storm we're having in the Bay Area made me want to turn off the computer, curl up and read a good book... or a good legal order.

This 43 page document issued by U.S. District Judge Clay D. Land slaps eccentric lawyer / dentist / birther conspiracy theorist Orly Taitz with a $20,000 fine. The document is really quite a read:

Quite frankly, the Court is reluctant to even dignify this argument by responding to it, but it captures the essence of counsel’s misunderstanding of the purpose of the courts and her misunderstanding of her own claims .... To suggest that an Army officer, who has received a medical education at the expense of the government and then seeks to avoid deployment based upon speculation that the President is not a natural born citizen, is equivalent to a young child, who is forced to attend an inferior segregated school based solely on the color of her skin, demonstrates an appalling lack of knowledge of the history of this Country and the importance of the civil rights movement. Counsel’s attempt to align herself with Justice Marshall appears to be an act of desperation rather than one of admiration. For if counsel truly admired Justice Marshall’s achievements, she would not seek to cheapen them with such inapt comparisons.

The judge does a beautiful job discrediting Taitz's mind-boggling claims... which I assume jack-of-all-trades Taitz won't even read. In fact, she is foolishly dismissing it as a form of intimidation.

But what I really enjoy about this story is seeing a tea-bagging birther face some kind of consequences for her lunacy.

Possibly the looniest part of the Orly Taitz sideshow has been watching so-called Republican patriots give support to a Russian trying to overthrow our democratically elected president. During the Bush era, they would have been charged with treason. Shit, President Obama deserves that peace prize if only for tolerating dissent.

I hope the next chapter of this Taitz comedy involves disbarment.

Running on Empty

"Running on - running on empty
Running on - running blind
Running on - running into the sun
But I'm running behind" — Jackson Browne

What brilliant politician would use this song in his political campaign? Who would remind the country that "hey, I'm losing, don't know where I'm going, and my tank is empty"? I'll give you a hint. He's not president. He's John McCain. But not only was it an unwise song choice, it was used without permission from the artist! Now the Republican National Committee is apologizing to Jackson Browne as part of a legal settlement.

Of course, I can't help but remember way back when Ronald Reagan misappropriated Born in The USA...

Okay, that was just a lame segue into the wingnut "birther" conspiracy. Despite overwhelming evidence that President Obama was born in the USA, these crazies keep prattling on.

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The Born Identity
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Barack Obama was born in Hawaii which is a US state. This is his birth certificate. It's authentic. Furthermore, Obama was 47 years old when he was elected, and he has lived more than 14 years in the United States. He meets the qualifications for office laid out in Article Two of the United States Constitution. What the fuck do these idiot birthers want?

If you don't like the president (probably because he's black), then can you at least come up with a better conspiracy theory? Not one that's easily disproved by public records!

If we can't agree on basic facts, I fear we're running towards a new dark ages where ignorance rules.

Crap Conspiracies of 2008

The Village Voice has the rundown on The Top 10 Rightblogger Stories of 2008 -- or, as I would have called it, the top 10 crap conspiracies that clogged my inbox. From the #10 yawner Fred Thompson to the #1 Secret Muslim story, I tried to avoid these blog topics unless I wanted to mock them.

But the one wingnut fantasy I never heard about was #9:

#9: The Cheapskate's Guide to Civil Disobedience. In the late days of the campaign emails circulated about a guy who pissed off an Obama-supporting waiter by giving his tip to a bum instead. Haw haw! Rightblogger Dr. Helen discussed undertipping waiters, maids, gardeners, etc. if Obama won as a way for rich people to express their displeasure. "If we had deployed this strategy six months ago the election would not even be close," said Ghost of a Flea. Actually this one panned out: the election wasn't close. Maybe voters figured Republicans don't tip anyway.

Oh that's brilliant. In a time of economic crisis, undertip the hard working people who serve you, and somehow that's going to win votes for Republicans. How do they figure? There exists no logic between taking action A and reaching result B. It's like their famous argument that if gays get married, then marriage is doomed. Or if fraudulent voter registration forms are detected, then somehow fictitious characters will vote.

But how do these wingnut cheapskates identify the Obama-supporting waiters, maids, and gardeners? Those types of jobs usually don't allow you to wear campaign t-shirts over your uniform. Ok, maybe I'm being silly. Obviously, the wingnuts assume they can identify these supporters by their race.

Let's admit it, the Republican party doesn't even try to hide their racism now. Republican National chair candidate Chip Saltsman recently sent his fellow party officials copies of a CD containing the parody "Barack the Magic Negro." At a time when the majority of people in this country are ready for a new era, the Republicans desperately cling to the old.

Paul Krugman wrote "As the new Democratic majority prepares to take power, Republicans have become, as Phil Gramm might put it, a party of whiners." Yes, whiners with really bad judgment.