Saturday, May 10, 2008

Smoking Deadheads

That's the problem in this country. People are never satisfied with stuff the way it is. You gotta make it bigger and better and stronger and faster. Same way with pot. For years pot was just joints, and then bongs came out and bongs were ok too, but then bongs weren't good enough for some people. "Neeehhhhhh!" Remember that friend in high school wanted to make bongs out of everything. Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit? Come in one day and find your friend going, "Hey! Look man, I made a bong outta my head! Put the pot in this ear and take it outta this one! Good! Take a hit! *snort*" Then they got one of those big giant bongs that you gotta start up like a motorcycle. "Put the pot in!" *motor starting* Kids are driving their bongs down FDR Drive. "Pull the bong over man, I wanna do a hit. Pull it over!"

What was the problem with just smoking a joint, eating a couple of Twinkies, and going to sleep? Was that a problem? They say marijuana leads to other drugs. No it doesn't, it leads to fucking carpentry. That's the problem, folks. People getting high going, "Wow man, this box would make an excellent bong! *snort* This guy's head would make an excellent bong! *snort*" Relax! That's why I stopped doing drugs in the first place. Not because I didn't like 'em, but because I didn't want to build anything, ok?
--Denis Leary
Well, that was so funny when Denis Leary joked about it years ago, but when you read it in the headlines, it's not so funny: 3 accused of using corpse head to smoke pot.
The Kingwood teenager's story of decapitating a corpse and using the head to smoke marijuana was so outlandish that at first Houston Police Department senior police officer Jim Adkins did not believe it.
One of the teenagers made the confession while being questioned during a vehicle burglary investigation. What a brilliant kid, huh? Distracting the police with stories of corpse abuse! I bet the authorities forgot all about the vehicle investigation. Well, no actually, they've all been charged in that crime too.

The last paragraph of the news article also reveals that all three teens were home-schooled. Maybe if they had attended a real high school somebody would have taught them where to buy a safe and effective ceramic skull bong?

Seriously, I have to say I'm a bit skeptical about this story. Even if the boys obtained a human skull, I'm not sure how they would turn it into a bong... maybe with some kind of lining and lots of rubber cement. But this doesn't even take into account the decomposition of a child's body buried in a wooden coffin for 80 years.

Finally, I'm kind of wondering... let's say I actually wanted my skull to be used as a bong when I'm dead... should I write that on my organ donor card?

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