Are you kidding me? Evolution was a total sham! Think about it! Everyone knows that the Flintstones owned a dinosaur. And have you noticed that the liberal blogosphere has started to act very strangely? They obviously don’t want this story getting out. I mean, what would happen if people began asking why do some guys still drag their knuckles? Well, they may be able to fool the sheeple, but the members of Sarah Palin's Facebook group aren't swallowing their story. Look, don’t take it from me; Pat Robertson is convinced as well. But we have to act fast, because those freedom hating scientists could be on PBS. I just wanted you to be aware of this, in case I disappear.
Perhaps you thought I was crazy when I said it should be up to Miss Universe to greet the space aliens when they arrive, but recent research into ecology theorizes that Freaks Survive Because They Are Strange:
If a blue jay sees a normal-looking salamander, it will eat it. But if the same bird sees a freak, it may let it go.
University of Tennessee researcher Benjamin Fitzpatrick says this discovery, which his team reports in the open access journal BMC Ecology, suggests why rare traits persist in a population.
Predators detect common forms of prey more easily, the scientists figure. The majority that share a common look are always on the dinner menu, while oddballs are left to reproduce.
So let the aliens first identify the dim-witted, silicone-implanted bigot as this planet's prey, and maybe they'll leave the rest of us alone?
No, I haven't gone insane, but I thought this aspect of evolution was refreshing. Finally a theory that doesn't postulate that freaks die a sad and lonely death!
"I think you believe in evolution, but you're afraid to say so because your conservative constituency might find that offensive." — Chris Matthews on MSNBC 5/05/2009
How long can the GOP last when they pander to the least educated voters? How long can Rep. Mike Pence last when he speaks pure gibberish?
Yes, President Obama ended the ban on federal funding of stem cell research last month. Why is it that whatever pisses off the GOP seems to thrill me? Believe me, I'm thrilled... and oh... what is this? It's a strange feeling... I think it's called hope. Here are some areas of research that I hope one day will help me and many people I know with disabilities:
American researchers have created a "switch" that allows mutations or light signals to be turned on in muscles stem cells to monitor muscle regeneration in a living mammal. This research could lead to a drug that allows people to grow new muscle cells to replace those that are damaged by cancer or muscular dystrophy.
Researchers in London have discovered a novel matrix of neural stem cells and a biodegradable polymer can quickly repair brain damage from stroke in rats.
The National Institute of Health says wisdom teeth are prolific sources of the kind of adult stem cells needed to grow new teeth for you.
Well, if scientists can't grow me a whole new body, they could at least get me some new teeth!
Senator Arlen Specter is just as enthused as I am. In a recent interview with CBS News he suggested that if Republicans had been more aggressive about cancer research, GOP luminary Jack Kemp would be alive today.
Specter: And one of the items that I'm working on, Bob, is funding for medical research. I've been the spear carrier to increase medical research. And I've even established a Web site, Specterforthecure.com, to try to get people to put more pressure on Congress to join me in getting more funding. This medical research has been a reawakening--the ten billion dollars. We were about to lose a whole generation of scientists. And now they're enthused. There are fifteen thousand applications to be granted. If we had pursued what President Nixon declared in 1970 as the war on cancer, we would have cured many strains. I think Jack Kemp would be alive today. And that research has saved or prolonged many lives, including mine.
Here's hoping we can fund and encourage more medical research. My mother just restarted treatment for lymphoma today, and I need all the hope I can get.
