The Booty Snatchers

"Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence." — Carl Sagan.

Wired has a new feature called Tinfoil Tuesdays. Okay, I'll put my hat on.

This week's story is UFOs Neutered Nukes, Officers Claim. Seven retired Air Force officers called a news conference to say they encountered UFOs that rendered U.S. nukes temporarily inoperable during the Cold War.

Obviously, these extraterrestrials are concerned about the survival of the human race and want us to abandon our nuclear arsenals... or so it would seem.

Every generation tries to imagine the motives of other-worldly beings. I recently read The Eerie Silence, and author Paul Davies points out that each generation projects their own fears and priorities onto the invading aliens. H.G Wells popularized the notion that aliens would value real-estate and mineral resources; wealth in Victorian times meant physical stuff. But a century later, we found ourselves in the middle of "the information age," so we reasoned that aliens would place no value on gold and diamonds, but instead their source of wealth would be knowledge.

Unsurprisingly, our benevolent Cold War visitors wanted us to disarm, but I have to wonder what the concerns of year 2010 aliens would be? If they're still worried about nuclear missiles, they might want to invade Iran or North Korea and save us the work. Better yet, use that nuke neutering device to permanently switch off all nukes, not just a handful.

Or maybe a modern alien fable would be about taxes. Imagine the aliens as teabaggers -- scary thought.

Or maybe the alien civilization would be organized as a giant corporation looking to suppress individual freedoms, bribe politicians, and get billion dollar bailouts...

Space aliens should be the least of our worries right now.

"Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe, and sometimes I think we're not. In either case the idea is quite staggering." — Arthur C. Clarke.

O, What A Rogue And Peasant Slave Am I!

I never knew how much a dead peasant could be worth.


(YouTube video)

Apparently dead peasants can be worth millions. It's an investment scheme in fact. "Dead peasant insurance" is officially known as corporate-owned life insurance and was originally intended to insure corporations against the death of key employees and executives, but it is sometimes used for general employees. Bank of America holds $17.3 billion in such policies.

Let's just get to the creepiness factor. It's bloody insane to give corporations a financial incentive to see anybody dead. I hope I don't need to review the last year of stories about arrogant bailout recipients and blatant fraud. We've all been thoroughly schooled in the lessons of greed.

But I predict it's going to get worse. Stranger originated life insurance is yet another insidious practice where investors pay senior citizens to apply for life insurance, pay the premiums for the policies, and then resell them to speculators. Investment banks are planning to package hundreds or thousands of these policies together into bonds. The investors will receive the insurance money when the insured people die.

If these slick, complicated, risky, idiotic games to turn money into more money sound familiar to you, it's because that's how we got into this financial mess in the first place! Subprime mortgage securities, credit-default swaps, structured investment vehicles, collateralized debt obligations... here we go again.

But now Wall Street is not just betting on the peasants' mortgages -- it's wagering on their lives.

Corporate Supremacy

I think I know what has been missing from this country for the last three weeks -- satire. So, with open arms, I welcome back the Daily Show and The Colbert Report after a short (yet way too long) break.

And wow, Colbert tackled a big subject last night -- corporations. "Corporations do everything people do except breathe, die and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs in the Hudson River."

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Word - Let Freedom Ka-Ching
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Protests

The birth of corporate supremacy was, in truth, illegitimate, carrying no force of law. But like any good lie, repeat it enough times and everybody believes it.

Our founding fathers did not like the idea of corporations. Remember, it was corporate tea that they dumped into Boston Harbor in protest against huge tax cuts for the British East India Company. Ironically, this point is lost on the teabaggers, but I digress.

The little lie that roared is now going to the Supreme Court. The case of Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission challenges the restrictions on political speech by corporations.

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission - Jeffrey Toobin
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Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Protests

I can see how corporations are viewed as "super persons." They are immortal and have tons of money they can use to influence the democratic process. But limiting corporate freedom of speech would also apply to unions, the latest Michael Moore movie, my favorite commentators on MSNBC, and also Comedy Central.

The Supreme Court decision isn't in yet, but I just get this strange feeling that we're screwed.