Tiger Chooses Nickelback Over Family

Hello there, I'm Mike. I'm a guest blogger today.

So, I saw this headline. Tiger Chooses Nickelback Over Family, which in turn really made me feel down. This is addressing something to do with a golf guy named Tiger, etc. However, what makes me sad is the fact that anyone could choose Nickleback over their family. I couldn't choose Nickleback over a slap in the face. But then I had a bit more think about it, and looked at the title again, and thought it could make a really heart warming story. Such as...

Tiger Chooses Nickelback Over Family

A starving Tiger in a local Canadian zoo broke free today. When forced with the option of eating his cubs to survive, or a mediocre rock band, he went with eating the band. After consuming the band, Tiger spoke about the incident.

"Well I was starving, and I couldn't bear the thought of eating my kids. I had heard quite a bit about Nickleback, and thought it may be a fulfilling endeavor. I found out after eating the band that I was left a bit empty. Instead of being a full satisfying meal, I found myself eating a bland, tepid, rather generic run of the mill slop. It's like someone took a pile of grey matter, and sprinkled some black and gold flakes on it, to make it look more impressive. In the end, it was completely unsatisfying."

Reading that story following the headline makes me feel a bit better.

Cheers,
- Mike

Stave of the Goths

Gustav, meaning "stave of the goths," is the name of the hurricane threatening to interrupt or possibly postpone the Republican National Convention. If I was a religious person, I'd think Gustav was God's gentle way of telling Stuart Shepard and the whole religious right to go fuck themselves (if video doesn't show, click here):



That's Stuart Shepard of Focus on the Family. Although he has issued a weak apology, I wonder if the torrential rains hitting the gulf coast are making him think about his own sins? Probably not. In fact, I'm sure his little evangelical group can spin this somehow. There's no way they will ever consider that God is NOT on their side.