Simon Says

I allow myself one American Idol post per season. This is it.

Yes, it was the season finale tonight. Spoiler alert! As if you care -- Lee DeWyze won... a very talented and nice guy, but when you make it into the top two, you might want to rehearse a victory speech or something so you don't stand there gasping "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god." But that's okay. Does anybody really watch to find out the winner?

I watch for the entertainment, and there were a few... umm... let's say WTF moments tonight. The best was Bret Michaels performing a duet with Casey James. Hey Bret, glad you didn't die with that recent stroke and all. Take it easy.

Another unlikely guest appearance was Alice Cooper doing a number with Idol contestants dressed like school girls. It was mildly creepy.

Then there was the Pants on the Ground guy joined by everybody's favorite Idol reject, William Hung. Saggy pants and William Hung: two things that should go away! Seriously, not to sound like a cranky old person, but when is this whole saggy pants fad going to end?

Then there was the lollapalooza of all performances when all the previous Idol winners and runners-up sang together. There was Kelly Clarkson, and that other dude from season one with the wild curly hair (still), and then there was that guy with the pre-mature gray hair who shilled for Ford, and then there was... wait... who's missing? No Clay Aiken? No Adam Lambert?

This not-quite reunion was part of the farewell roasting of Idol judge Simon Cowell who is leaving the show. It won't be the same without his brutally honest assessments. I don't know if any future judge can use the word "ghastly" quite as effectively without the snooty British accent. It just won't be the same.

But I've saved the biggest most surprising WTF moment for last. At the end of a song mocking Simon and all his rudeness and arrogance, it appeared that contestants who had been ridiculed in past seasons were finally going to get one moment of retribution to sing off-key and tell Simon to kiss their tone-deaf asses -- and then a total Kanye West moment. Some guy named Ian Benardo stormed the stage, snatched the mic... and well, just watch:

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Cut! Cut to a commercial! Well, at least it wasn't boring.