Check out the Top 500 web sites. Nope, The Daily Dork Monger is not on the list, but Neopets is!

Will a RoboShop be coming to a neighborhood near you any time soon?

Yay! I think I'll celebrate National Slackerday today even though I'm American.

I'm glad I was nowhere near Santana Row today. The new upscale housing and shopping center is on fire. So far, there have been no injuries reported.

A mushroom hunter (snicker) stumbled upon 101 garden gnomes in a forest in southwest France. The police are baffled.

This is just creepy. Airport security screeners may soon try to read the minds of travelers to identify terrorists. I guess I have one more reason not to fly. Also, maybe I should invest in this company.

Oh, I am so shocked! The romance that bloomed on the ABC reality show "The Bachelor" seems to be going sour.

I swear, I will never fly again. I'm not scared of the terrorists; I'm scared of the airport security. The brave security at Los Angeles International Airport successfully disarmed a Gi Joe toy soldier. In other news, a JFK airport security guard forced a mother to drink her own breast milk. Don't you feel safer?

How sad. Edsger Wybe Dijkstra 1930 - 2002 Professor Edsger Wybe Dijkstra, a noted pioneer of the science and industry of computing, died after a long struggle with cancer on 6 August 2002 at his home in Nuenen, the Netherlands.

I still don't know how to pronounce his name.

If you haven't already heard, GRACE, the Social Robot, exceeded all expectations performing basic human tasks at The American Association of Artificial Intelligence's annual meeting.

Hello fellow dorkasheadaposelicalsoars! Don't bother looking up that word because I just created it with the Random Word Generator.

What were those F-16s chasing?

"It was this object, this light-blue object, traveling at a phenomenal rate of speed," Rogers said. "This Air Force jet was right behind it, chasing it, but the object was just leaving him in the dust. I told my neighbor, 'I think those jets are chasing a UFO.' "

Oh, does this remind you of anybody's computer? Somebody we know maybe?

Scientists reveal the secret of cuddles. How sweet.

I can't stop looking at these pictures. But isn't this what the Internet was made for?

Is this the robot I've been dreaming of? It can actually fetch a can of coke!

I used to think that peanut butter and potato chips was a crazy snack, but then I read Utterly Outrageous Recipes. Fish and Peanut Butter Sandwiches? Fried Potato Pizza? Bleh!

I'm lucky I've never had a job this bad: True Porn Clerk Stories.

Here are the 2002 winners of The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. The contest was inspired by this famous opening sentence written by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton:

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

US planning to recruit one in 24 Americans as citizen spies. Yeah, those are the headlines. You think it's a hoax? Well, I suggest you sign up now before your neighbors do.