Outreach

Outreach rides are long and boring.

Snorting Spaghetti

I wanted to post something more thoughtful today, but some old neighbors stopped by for a visit, and we went out to dinner. I ordered chicken parmesan with spaghetti. Halfway through the meal I somehow snorted a piece of spaghetti half up my nose. Believe me, it's very uncomfortable having a piece of pasta stuck in the back of your nose and dangling half down your throat. I made it through dinner without indicating that anything was wrong, but when I got home I had an hour long fit of blowing and snorting trying to get the thing out. I was about to give up, but then I had an uncontrollable gagging reflex that brought the 2 inch piece of pasta out of mouth. It was all covered in mucus, and no, I didn't not take a picture! I am relieved though that I am not alone.

Desperate Comics

Who would have guessed that when you remove Garfield from the Garfield comic strips, the result is an even better comic about schizophrenia, bipolor disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life?

And ever wonder what Family Circus would be like if it was created by Friedrich Nietzsch?

Creationism BS

Let's take a walk through The Creationism Museum. It's also fun to explore with a faux special person. I admit I was slightly offended that these guys would fake a disability while visiting the museum, but their interactions with Ken Ham were priceless:

The interview was going well. Ham was spouting nonsensical creationist rhetoric, and I was in full-blown retard mode. We were like long lost twins. He continued averting his gaze, however. My assumed detriments reminded him of man’s fall from grace. It was time to test this man of God.

Ever wonder how those Creationists get their s0-called scientific research published? Peer review is an important step in the publication of scientific research, but a new journal published by Answers in Genesis has adapted (evolved?) this process to "ensure that research meets academic standards of scientific inquiry, but rather to ensure that the scholar's conclusions conform to a literal interpretation of the Bible." Ahhh.... the illusion of scientific theory! I think this journal will be mocked as often as the museum.

Code Orange

I'm going to take a break from my usual nonsense and post some important links about the presidential elections.

Has Hillary Clinton lost it? I'm not talking about the election. I mean, has she gone a little nuts? Here she is mocking Barack Obama with "the sky will open, the light will come down." In a NY Times op-ed column titled The Audacity of Hopelessness , Frank Rich writes:

This must be the first presidential candidate in history to devote so much energy to preaching against optimism, against inspiring language and — talk about bizarre — against democracy itself. No sooner does Mrs. Clinton lose a state than her campaign belittles its voters as unrepresentative of the country.

And then on FOX news, Bill Kristol recommends that Clinton embrace the politics of fear. Obviously, that technique has worked so well for Republicans in the last seven years. On Thursday nights "Countdown" Keith Olberman presented the Time line of fear confirming what I had always suspected: every code orange terror alert has corresponded to some other bit of news the Bush administration wanted to obfuscate.

Are we going to see more of these terror alerts right before the November elections? When terror strikes, liberals and the right vote further apart. And as we saw in the 2004 election, when terrorism is on voters' minds, the voters embrace candidates they perceived as stronger on national security.

Because neither Democratic candidate seems particularly tough on terror, I suggest the Democratic nominee carefully selects his or her running mate. I recommend Lyndie England. Nobody will ever say she is soft on terror.

Turn Jesus On

Was this designed by a catholic priest? Whatever. I'm giving these to my religious friends next Christmas.

Rebirth

I found the perfect link to celebrate the rebirth of The Daily Dorkmonger: the benefits of beer. Not only does beer cheer you up, but it also enlarges your breasts! I have to get me some of this stuff. Oh, and I also want to get a hamburger in can, but not for any medical benefit. I want it simply because it's a hamburger in a can!

I fell into the ocean.

The Daily Dorkmonger strikes back! After five years of doing absolutely nothing of consequence, I figured I might as well start blogging again. Here I am. Don't get too excited.

Albert Einstein's Theory of Relativity explained in words of four letters or less.

Michael Jackson just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

Happy Groundhog's Day!

Researchers adapting new AI techniques may one day create video games that never end. The Liquid Narrative research group is drawing on narrative theory to create convincing stories that explore the consequences of player actions.

What do you do when software attacks? Wired has an article on a sneaky toolbar that hijacks Internet Explorer. Once active in a system, it periodically changes users' designated homepages to xupiter.com, redirects all searches to Xupiter's site, and blocks any attempts to restore the original browser settings.

So last night's State of the Union address only mentioned weapons of mass destruction four times. That's kind of disappointing considering WMD was 2002's phrase of the year. Just for a brief history lesson, here is a chronology of weapons of mass destruction in the Middle East. Or we could just sum up the history with this cartoon. But is the burgeoning field of nanotechnology the future of WMD?

He shall from time to time give to the Congress information of the state of the union, and recommend to their consideration such measures as he shall judge necessary and expedient; he may, on extraordinary occasions, convene both Houses, or either of them, and in case of disagreement between them, with respect to the time of adjournment, he may adjourn them to such time as he shall think proper; he shall receive ambassadors and other public ministers; he shall take care that the laws be faithfully executed, and shall commission all the officers of the United States.
-- U.S. Constitution, Article II, Section III

President Bush's State of the Union address will be broadcast tomorrow night. To add a bit of excitement, how about playing the State of the Union Address Drinking Game 2003? If I was even a drinker, I'm confident I'd pass out within 10 minutes.

"Let me explainify the war against Iraq a little bit in Texas terminologragy."

Just in case you forgot, we're still in the middle of a telecommunications revolution. Economist.com has a nice summary of the dilemmas we still must face: privacy, security, intellectual property and the nature of government itself. Also today, in a small victory for privacy, the US Senate has voted to ban funding for the Total Information Awareness program.

Three-dimensional tubes of living tissue have been printed using modified desktop printers filled with suspensions of cells instead of ink. The work is a first step towards printing complex tissues or even entire organs. I guess that's a faster way to get a new organ than growing one inside a mouse.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm excited about the second season of American Idol. The advertisements show a laughable selection of awful singers. Why do these people think they have talent? And I love the show, but how did it inspire a video game? I think the game would be more fun if you played as one of the judges.