The world's funniest joke has been revealed. I don't know what to think. It barely made me laugh. Maybe it's because the researchers were British.

Ok, I needed a brief vacation. It's Christmas time and I'm always busy. But this artical about Winona Ryder caught shoplifting inspired me to start posting in my blog again. Thank you Winona. Hope the $20,000 bail makes you think twice next time.

I'm going to be at Circus Circus in Las Vegas from Thursday through Monday, so you probably won't hear from me for a week. Keep your fingers crossed that I hit a big jackpot! :)

A couple of days ago, I posted about illuminated sheets of plastic which might be used for ultra-thin computer screens you can fold and put in your pocket. Well, what's the next obvious invention to go along with that? How about bendable batteries?

I've been meaning to post this reminder. I want everybody to watch 2001: HAL's Legacy on Tuesday. It's on PBS, so check your TV guide for times and channels. It should be good.

Sorry I forgot to post again yesterday. I'm still feeling sick.

Hope everybody had a happy Thanksgiving!

Time.com has announced their favorite inventions of 2001. I wouldn't mind having that skycar.

Happy Thanksgiving! Here's a collection of really corny turkey jokes.

If you've been paying any attention to the news, you probably heard many reports that the Taliban had documents describing how to make nuclear weapons. Well, at least one of these so-called-horrifying finds was originally published in a humor newsletter called The Annals of Improbable Research. The "instructions" were nothing more than a scientific parody. I can at least breathe a small sigh of relief knowing the Taliban can't tell a joke from real science.

Here is an interesting look at the history of Thanksgiving. The pilgrims didn't have forks, and they didn't eat turkey or pumpkin pie.

I always wanted to go to Comdex in Las Vegas, but for now I'll just have to settle for 300 pictures.

Everybody knows I love gadgets, and this one has to be the ultimate: Timex Internet Messenger Watch. My only problem is that these watches are designed for men and are way too big for my wrist.

I always believed the Internet should be used for good and not evil.

This is my kind of sport. Sixty-eight men and women are racing across the Atlantic Ocean in thirty-four rowboats. All boats are equiped with GPS devices and other wireless gadgets with Internet access.

Which reminds me, we were going to use my sister's new HandyGPS Pro on our trip to Las Vegas. But after receiving her order, my sister discovered the thing barely works without a $35 external antenna which is, unfortunately, sold separately and not yet available.

I think pyRads are a great idea. These are new online ads with no flashy graphics, no big banners, and no annoying popups. They are simply text. What a concept. You can see an example of these ads on the main Blogger page.

I knew I forgot to do something yesterday. I forgot to post in this blog!

A company called Teleportec has created technology to transmit holographic images of people over high-speed digital circuits. What I want to know is, how long until I get holographic TV?

This news is a little bit old, but still very interesting. University of Arizona scientists have produced light-emitting sheets of plastic. The sheets are about as thin as paper, but emit light, and they are produced using a standard inkjet printer. This technology may eventually lead to computer monitors that can be folded and put in your pocket or purse.... and eventually get mixed with all my other junk and accidently get thrown out or lost. ;)

I just thought this was an appropriate link for today: Veterans Day a time to remember US Military people.

Neato. A newly discovered MSIE flaw puts credit card info at risk.

The US Army is working on a new truck which sounds like something from a James Bond movie. The truck is equipped with a remote-control laser-sighted machine gun, a grenade launcher, electrified door handles, blinding lights and pepper-spray dispensers. It can also release a thick smokescreeen, slippery oil slick, or sharp, tire-shredding tacks. Just the thing for LA traffic!

You guys all know the tourist guy. He was on top of the WTC when the airplane hit. Yeah right. Well, here is a web site with pictures of his other historic adventures.

Here is the B.I.O.-Bug Vivisection link I promised I would find and post.

Scientists at Bell Labs have invented a transistor made of a single molecule. Ten million of these transistors can fit on the head of a pin. This could be the start of an era of computers embedded in clothes and paper! Computer controlled underwear and toupees may be right around the corner!

The Dismal Scientist Layoff Calculator will estimates the probability that you will lose your job by year end 2002.

When you care enough to send the very best, use Create-A-Fart. Thank goodness internet scent technology never caught on.

This Dream Catcher Community Weblog may prove to be very interesting. You can anonymously share your dreams.

I was just setting up my wish list on Amazon.com. I hope that link works correctly. Anyway, I may not be a web-cam girl, but feel free to buy me stuff anyway. ;)

I just wrote an Epinion for my Handspring Visor Prism. I guess I haven't practiced my reviewing skills in the last four months. My last Epinion was written in July. But let me just get this off my chest: my current epinion on Epinions is that it esucks. They give too much attention to their "top reviewers" putting their reviews above all others. And the itty-bitty eroyalties are hardly worth my time. Some of my reviews that have been read over 100 times have accrued less than $1. Unless you want to write every day, you won't make any money.

Ok, here is a second gift idea: B.I.O.-BUGS , A Revolution in Evolution. B.I.O-Bugs are Bio-mechanical Integrated Organisms, a new breed of artificial intelligence! I'm sure I'll find many more gift ideas before Christmas. Stay tuned.

It's getting close to Christmas again, and I'm sure all my friends are searching for that perfect present for me (Yeah, right). Here is something on my wish list: Che-ez!party digital spy camera. It measures just 60mm in length, 38.6mm in height, and 15mm in thickness. It comes in silver and blue. I prefer the blue just in case you were wondering. ;)

I was just reading about some more AIM security holes. Looks like the newest versions of AIM changes your MSIE security settings without asking. That reminds me, I always thought FOX should do a TV special titled "When Software Attacks."

Microsoft has discovered a gaping security hole in the virtual wallet function of its Passport service. You can find out more details on Marc Slemko's web site. So anyway, why doesn't this bug surprise me? I always thought the concept of a virtual wallet left you vulnerable to virtual pickpockets. Furthermore, I would never trust MS to hold my wallet in the first place.

Here's some good news. A California State Appeals Court ruled on Thursday that computer code used to "descramble" DVDs is "pure speech," and citing the First Amendment, the court reversed a trial court's order to block the code from appearing on the Web.

Since the world has not ended yet, I guess I'll post a new link. This Halloween style Choose Your Own Adventure story is definitely not for little kids. The story's humor is a little immature, a little violent, and a little gross. That just means most of my friends will like it!

Take a look at the worst Halloween costumes ever. What the heck ever happened to this style of cheap plastic costumes? Could it be that kids are just more creative today? Or are parents just willing to spend more money?

Tomorrow, October 31, 2001, we will be treated to Halloween's first full moon since 1955. But if that news isn't spooky enough for you, there's more: The Seven Sisters constellation, associated with some end-of-the-world beliefs, will also be at the top of Wednesday night's sky. According to myth, the Seven Sisters is at its highest point in the sky during a great calamity, possibly the biblical flood or the sinking of Atlantis. The Aztecs and Mayans believed it would be overhead at midnight on the night the world comes to an end. Happy Halloween everybody?

Here's a joke from The Dull Men's Club:

Car Trouble . . . with a Computer Engineer to the rescue

There are four engineers traveling in a car -- a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.

"Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We'll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again", says the mechanical engineer.

"Well", says the chemical engineer, "it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system."

"I thought it might be a grounding problem", says the electrical engineer, "or maybe a faulty plug lead."

They all turn to the computer engineer, who up to then had said nothing, and asked "Well, what do you think?"

"Ummm . . . perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?"

Now here is a "timely" topic: Daylight Saving Time - History, Rationale, Laws & Dates. I never imagined anybody could write so much about such a dull subject.

I'm not sure how this is suppose to be punishment, but an Ohio judge sentenced two men to dress as women for throwing beer bottles at a woman.

Here's a web site that will find Your Magic Fairy's Name. I'm not sure I want to trust my magic fairy. Its name is "Voodoo Aurorawitch."

Thanks to my friend "ChaosJester" for sending me this link: The Late-Night Cable-Movie Plot Generator. You make your title from two lists of words, and the plot generator generates a movie plot:

Fools' Summer
A psych major looking to veg out for the summer (Sarah Bellomo) swims in the deep end of teens and trouble on a wing and a prayer. Never one to miss any action, Dennis (Joey Lawrence) goes to great lengths to say, "I Love You". Is it enough? Ron Jeremy and Mickey Rourke show they'll do anything for money in the infamous "salad-bar scene".

I don't have any exciting links for today. My new Visor Prism came in the mail, and I've been messing with it all day.

The Wayback Machine claims to be the world's largest database with over 100 terabytes and 10 billion web pages archived from 1996 to the present. I even found some of my old web pages in there, but only from 1999 or so. The Wayback Machine also has a special September 11 collection.

OH YEAH! Way Too Much Information On: The Kool-Aid Man!!! I always regretted not ordering the special Kool-Aid video game for the Atari 2600. But now that I see a screen shot, I guess I wasn't missing much.

Today, I officially unveiled my new, slightly more serious blog: Kristen's News Corner. Thanks again to my friend Radek for helping me come up with another great title.

The 2001 Mars Odyssey will arrive at Mars tomorrow, October 24, 2001. Check the NASA TV Events Page for when you can watch the broadcast from Mars.

The internet is being evacuated due to Spamthrax. As silly as this satire sounds, I'm sure one of my friends will believe it, and in a matter of days I'll be receiving urgent e-mail messages warning me about this cyberterrorism.

This article from the Montreal Gazette offers a chilling vision of the future. Will revolutions in nanotechnology, robotics and genetic engineering lead us to a science-fiction-style nightmare? Reading this article was not a good way to start my day.

Here are 50 things you probably didn't know about Windows XP. Sounds good, but I'm still not convinced I should upgrade yet.

Japan's Matsushita has developed a two-sided optical rewritable disc that can store 100GB. The company hopes the new format will be used for the next generation of DVDs. Current DVDs store about 4.7GB per disc. Anyway, I guess they won't be out in time for Christmas. Darn.

Ok, I have to take back a link I posted a few days ago. Now experts are saying ironing your mail is not such a hot idea. A person ironing weaponized anthrax could vaporize it and inhale it. Guess things are never as simple as we'd like them to be.

In this two part article on Silicon.com (click here for part 1 and here for part 2), two of the world's top tech thinkers, Peter Cochrane and Ray Kurzweil, explore the high-tech credibility of some of the memorable scenes Hollywood has churned out. How credible are Johnny Mnemonic, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Independence Day, Blade Runner, and Star Trek? Well, what seems crazy now, will be common in 20 to 50 years.

To make the Pentagon's job a little easier, somebody named Ubique has created this Military Codename Generator. Get ready for Rolling Arms!!!? Well, if you don't like that name, you can just generate another.

IBM has unveiled plans to develop technologies that share the basic biological abilities of living organisms. One goal is to create computer networks that are better at maintaining and healing themselves. Though the article is titled Bringing Computers to Life, I think we are still a long way from the movie AI.

This site claims to be the web's first Turing Test. Click the button to chat, and then decide if you're chatting with the bot or the programmer, Mark Connell. If you've been playing with some of the other links I've posted in the past, like the AliceBot or SmarterChild, then you should be pretty quick to recognize a bot. Bots always seem to give replies like "What makes you say that" or "oh really?" whenever you say anything slightly complex or vague. This bot is no exception. However, it seems to have a few good replies and will insist that it really is Mark when you accuse it of being a bot.

A Japanese firm is marketing a Frequent Flyer Bra. Yes, that's right -- a bra. It won't have metal wires or any of those tiny metal fasteners. Therefore, the bra won't trigger airport security alarms.

Ok, this is interesting. Some researchers at Brown University say that controlling computers with grunts and sighs would work better than traditional voice recognition software. I just can't picture myself doing this. I think I'll stick with my keyboard and mouse for now.

Good morning! I'm posting this from my Visor!

If you're worried about Anthrax contaminated mail you can always use a hot steam iron and a moist layer of fabric to kill germs. A microwave oven does not work as well because moisture is essential.

ActiveBuddy is software for the development and hosting of interactive agents. In case you don't speak that crazy moon language, I'll explain it. You add these various "interactive agents" to your AIM buddy list. They are not people; they are software otherwise known as "bots." Then you can interact with them and get information such as movie showtimes, stock quotes, sports scores, info on new products, etc. Try adding SmarterChild to your AIM list, say hello and it will tell you what it can do.

Halloween is almost here. I was searching for scary stories, but I haven't found any yet that give me the shivers. However, I did find Playhouse of the Damned. These short horror plays are good but just not spooky enough for me.

The Poop Report is possibly the most repulsive site I will ever link to. You'll find several putrid poop stories plus a contest to rename the bidet.

IBM and Citizen Watch Co. are developing a wristwatch PC. The prototype weighs 43 grams, and has a 32-bit microprocessor backed by 8 Mbytes of DRAM and 16 Mbytes of flash. The watch will also feature a 320 x 240-dot monochrome VGA display, Bluetooth wireless connectivity, an IrDA wireless link, plus speaker, microphone and fingerprint-sensor functions. That's great, but I have a feeling that I'm going to need a bigger wrist.

Here are some things you can say when you are losing a technical argument. A few of my favorites... What? I don't speak your crazy moon-language! You used to program in Pascal, didn't you? We need this to fit on a single floppy. And Yes, but can this be embedded in a toaster, for example? I think that I've actually used a few of these phrases.... not that I would ever be caught losing a technical argument of course.

Well this BloggerBot thing is definitely helpful. Anyway, before I got distracted playing with the BloggerBot, I was going to post about pumpkin carving. Which pattern should I put on my pumpkin this year? I think my first choice is PEEK-A-BOO KITTY. I also like REAPER. However, I have a couple of runt pumpkins, and I think WINK or SMILE would be good on those!

That last post was my first attempt at using the new AIM BloggerBot.

I just noticed I've written about muppets twice this week (Elmo and Bert). From now on, I will limit myself to no more than one muppet post per month! Or year even!

The new Tickle Me Elmo dolls reveal a special message on January 9, 2002. One will announce it's a grand prize winner, and four will announce they are runners up. All other Elmos will instead introduce a new "play pattern" on January 9. Hmmm.... that sounds a little creepy to me. In fact, these new Elmos remind me of Halloween III: Season of the Witch. In case you're not familiar with this movie (most people aren't), the basic plot is that an evil toymaker plans to kill millions of children on Halloween using a secret chip in their popular Halloween masks. As you might guess, it's a really bad movie.

By the way, seems I wasn't the only one who noticed the FBI document was titled skyfall.htm. The document has now been renamed 101101.htm.

The FBI has just released this ominous warning of possible future terrorist attacks. I just noticed the document is named skyfall.htm. What the hell is that suppose to mean?

Take this quiz. See if you can match each quote to either Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, or Osama Bin Laden. It's not easy. In fact, it's outright scary.

Is Bert the muppet really one of Bin Boy's evil henchmen? I think it's just a case of life imitating cheesy personal web pages.

Seems a new AIM security hole has been discovered. AIM (AOL Instant Messenger) has been my favorite online buddy list program ever since I got sick of ICQ and all their ads and useless "features."

Oh, and did you hear about the new pirate movie? It's rated Aaaaaaaarg! ;)

A couple of days ago I mentioned BonziBuddy. I said some of my friends had installed it, but I was reluctant to install it myself. Sometimes being paranoid is good. Read this long list of complaints regarding BonziBuddy. Also, read my friend's personal horror story with the purple ape from hell. She is still having trouble resetting her MSIE start page.

If you are a true nerd, you've probably pondered what kind of robot you would be if you were a robot. Now with this simple quiz from Robohouse you can find out. And in case you were wondering, I am Data, the annoying android from Star Trek TNG.

By now, I'm sure everybody has heard about the penis allegedly found in a bottle of Ora fruit punch (or maybe we should call it a fruit COCKtail). Well, it wasn't a penis after all. Seems a Colorado coroner announced that the object was simply mold. The picture in this article is worth a 1000 words. Go see it for yourself.

Yesterday, the US launched a new secret spy satellite capable of taking detailed ground pictures. Well, guess it can't be too much of a secret. Anyway, I wonder if we will discover the location and true identity of Bin Boy.

My friend Toodles was telling me about BonziBuddy. It's software that puts a little monkey on your screen. He helps you surf the web, reminds you of appointments, and entertains you. Sounds really cute, but I haven't tried it yet. I try not to install too much cr@p on my computer, especially when I fear it might be hard to get rid of.

Is this song a little mean spirited? Oh, what the heck. It sure is funny: The Talibanana Song.

So nobody wanted to play my game? Nobody wanted to guess the two authors? Maybe it's because only 3 people read my blog...

Well then, I declare the winner to be ChaosJester even though he cheated. He searched the internet and discovered one author was Frances Hodgson Burnett (A Little Princess). Then he got lucky when he guessed the other author was Edgar Allan Poe (The Balloon Hoax, The Black Cat, and The Imp of the Perverse). Congrats!

Here's an interesting article about experiements with CD copy protection. I certainly won't be buying any CDs that won't play on my PC.

I was having fun with Markov Chains today. So let's play a game. Who can tell me from which two authors I generated the following chain:


In the consideration of the buoys materially impeded our progress, and we put them both into requisition forthwith, for the purpose of creating indigestible aliment for the purpose of throwing the hurried account of its application to practice. He exhibited a model of his body; but this person made no doubt that I could prevent him from following me through the morning. She saw that lessons were no easy matter to her, and her eyes were greenish gray, it is true, but they went to her and want to be her friend. It was a rope about the animal's neck.

When I first beheld this apparition -- for the present. We soon found ourselves driving out to sea at the violence of my bosom.

But may God shield and deliver me from the house, and proceeded again to make her talk to her. The trouble with dolls, papa"--and she put her hand warningly on Ermengarde's.

"Let us sit down," said Sara, holding out her name, but could not have understood, had the balloon in the MS from which it would be a lonely fellow when, on his return to India, he went into his eyes.

It was a very large one, Sara suddenly started and clutched her father's arm.

"Oh, papa!" she cried. "There is Emily!"

A flush had risen to her seat before we had again some little trouble with the violence of my bosom. But may God shield and deliver me from the public -- the only resource is (or rather was, until Mr Green's invention of the many pairs of eyes watching her. She was so sorry for her that "le pere" meant "the mother."

Miss Minchin knew she had been like any other little girls, but if she was--and IF she was, how it had happened.

"I don't know," she said. "Have you never pretended things?"

"No," said Ermengarde. "Never. I--tell me about it."

She was such a height. And this fall -- this rushing annihilation -- for this very cause do we now the most ghastly and loathsome of all mankind; while, from the socket! I blush, I burn, I shudder, while I pen the damnable atrocity.

When reason returned with the exception of the machine -- and for my wearing these fetters, and for this, above all, I loathed, and dreaded, and would give her any advice she wanted, and that Lavinia and Jessie were giggling behind their French grammars, she felt as if tears were in his substantive moods and phases of creation?

Induction, a posteriori, would have been cut from the carcass, had then accomplished the portraiture as I wished. But this feeling soon gave place to irritation. And then came, as if to my wife, a servant, and myself, made our escape from the lady who had arrived the evening before. Lavinia had managed to pass over it and put out the little book of phrases.

"Is this the cellar was well adapted. Its walls were loosely constructed, and had time to think


Bonus points if you can tell me which stories I used!

Beam me up! According to this article on Wired, scientists have made an important step towards creating a teleportation machine.

I forgot to post this link yesterday: The Binch. If you liked yesterday's page, then you'll like this one too.

I had not looked at one of those "ate my balls" pages in years, but last night my friend Teala showed me Osama bin Laden Ate My Balls. I know I've been avoiding the 9-11 attack topic, but I just couldn't resist sharing this page!

I don't know if the person who made this Time Cube site is a dork or simply psychotic. Anyway, do not taunt happy time cube, etc.

Is this guy a dork or what? He is trying to auction off information on how to call 911 on your cell phone without subscribing to a cellular phone service. Duh?

For my friend who asked "where's the beer," here's the beer!

Here's an article about a new Linux based humanoid robot. It's the only interesting thing I found today.

Here's an interesting article about computer power around the web uniting to find new cancer drugs.

A less serious story I've been passing around to my friends is about Compaq's new 208-key keyboard.

If anybody knows the lyrics to "What America Means to Me" by Frank Sinatra, please send them to me (click the "comment" link below). It's my mother who wants the lyrics.

I think when the price comes down, I should get an Aibo. I've added my iMood to this page so everybody can know when I'm in a bad mood.

Now that I have found The Alice Bot, I will never be lonely again.

Thanks to my friend Radek for suggesting the title for my blog.